20 Telltale Signs You’re Probably Not a Portmore Native . . . or have been away for far too long

portmore native

Are you from Portmore? How long have you lived here? How can you tell  that someone you meet in the streets of Portmore is not Portmorean?

I was browsing this Facebook page, You’re Probably not Jamaican if . . . when I was inspired to write this list post, You’re probably not a Portmore native if….

Ready to take the Portmore citizenship test? How many of these assertions describe you? When you are finished going through the list, click on the links provided at the end of my post to help you brush up on your general knowledge of your city.

You’re Probably NOT a Portmore Native or have been away for far too long if . . .

1. You believe the Causeway bridge is still being used as a transportation route between Kingston and Portmore.

2. You still get lost even after a Portmore native tells you to use the “s**t tank (translated in decent English as an effluent tank) as your odour GPS to help you find the Waterford Police Station which is  within close range.

3. You still refer to George Lee in the present tense when cussing the Mayor for the mosquito swarms in Portmore.

4. You don’t know what the place called ‘Back Road’ is famous for.

5. You think Fort Augusta is a heritage site that is open to tourists.

6. You don’t understand when your taxi-driver asks you if the gas station you want to be left at is the one “outta 85”.

7. You think the drinking hole, Ken’s Wildflower is the native plant of Portmore.

8. You ask curiously if there is a major accident or something big happening on the Big hill between the Braeton SDA Church why there is a crowd of people moving on the path at this location morning and evening.

9. You call the Fire Brigade and report that a cross on the hill above Port Henderson mountainside is on fire.

10. You don’t know the name of the only sky scraper in Portmore.

11. You think Power of Faith is a radio programme.

12. You don’t know where the VMBS building is located in the town centre.

13. You think Hellshire Beach is the only beach in Portmore.

14. You believe that the 100-man police station is referring to the number of officers stationed there.

15. You don’t know that Portmore has a courthouse.

16.  You don’t know the name of our most popular and feared animal native.

17. You jump on a 20 route bus or taxi when your destination is the Port Henderson Plaza.

18. You head to Google when asked what the first inhabited Portmore community is.

19. You don’t know what sport the city is most famous for.

20. You ask what a ‘wicon’ is when a Portmore native tells you that WIHCON built Portmore.

If you’re new to the neighbourhood, welcome to Portmore! Take the first step to becoming an informed citizen.Here are two fairly comprehensive resources to bring you up to speed on the history and development of the town and interesting facts you probably never knew even if you have lived here for a long time (click on links):

1. The Portmore Municipal Council Resources Page. After you’ve visited, make sure you check out the other pages to learn more about the inner workings of your Council.  If you like historical facts, the About Page has an interesting paragraph about the History of Portmore. Find it here. Under Top Resources,among a very useful map and forms is an interesting find: a report about how the people perceive the role of the Portmore Municipal Council. Entitled, Final Report on the Review of the Portmore Municipal Council, it was published in October 2010. Check it out too.

2. Portmore Jamaica.com. If you’re looking for things to do and  attractions  based in Portmore, this site has some interesting cultural as well as municipal info that’s worth reading.

3. For an indepth history on Portmore, this National Library of Jamaica document will teach you all you need to know about Portmore’s history and development. http://www.nlj.gov.jm/history-notes/History%20of%20Portmore%20Final.pdf

Are you a native or long-time resident of Portmore? Prove it. In the comments below, tell me how many of the assertions above are good indicators that you are probably Portmore-born or bred. Or probably not.